I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
