Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
