my sisters under your porch take her home
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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