If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
