DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
