you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
