Someone shit on the floor
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
