So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We don't watch enough power rangers
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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