You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
