She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
