My room smells like vodka and shame
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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