i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
