Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
