dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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