She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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