I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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