Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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