He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
