I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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