the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
