Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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