Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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