I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
