dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If I die, sorry about rent.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
