so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
