the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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