I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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