I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
