You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is the high leading the old right now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
