the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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