im drinking this country out of the recession.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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