Where did you get a picture of my penis
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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