4 words: hood of his car
Four minutes until I can fart!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
