I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just had sex on a roof
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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