The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Your cock deserves a montage
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
