God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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