I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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