I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
