thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you never un-have a 4some
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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