I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
