sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
