yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
