I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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