i jhust puked up my retainher.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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