His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
