so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize