Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
