This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize