why didn't you poke me back
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
