Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
