I forgot how hot balto sounded
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
