i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
