I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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