omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
