i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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