Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
