Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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