Im at strip club and am horny
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
