The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
