So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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