I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
In America we eat man semen.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
