i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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