We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
