Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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