I am puke
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
