my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
