At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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