I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
