..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
