playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
