the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
