She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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