In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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