i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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