Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
