After last night, I could never be a politician.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
