I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize