He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
