Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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