There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
