yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
