Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
