I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
