I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
