the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
