They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
