I have demons in me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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