No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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