The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize