AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
