I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
