When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize