Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
