life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
