So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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