Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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