TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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