ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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